Commonly pregnant women who enter second trimester suddenly feel like they are on the top of the world – but sometimes that is not the case for some women (me included), and here is why…
As mention in my previous blog post, my first trimester with my twins was horrendous. I had the worst morning sickness and I could quite happily sleep standing up; I was absolutely drained of all useable energy in my body. BUT THEN, my pregnancy finally hit the 13-week mark – the morning sickness slowly faded off and my energy levels suddenly bounced back -YEAH, BABY YEAH! During this time my husband and I also decided to share the news about the expecting twins to the world – no more pretending to be nauseous due to bad food poisoning. It was such a big relief not to keep such great news for ourselves anymore (sigh). Interestingly, some had some rather weird comments when mentioning that there were two and not one baby inside me – see blog post here.
And, as an added bonus, being in the second trimester, my oily and pimply skin started to change and became less irritated and inflamed, similar to pre-pregnancy – no more small red tender zits on my neck and back (double sigh). And to top it all off, we found out that we were expecting both a girl and a boy – a little sister and brother for our 4-year toddler who was super excited.
It was all happy days, until one day I unexpectedly started feeling a persistent sadness out of the blue. I just wanted to curl up in a foetal position and stay in bed forever, as a big fat knot of hopelessness and worthlessness suddenly was inhabiting in my stomach. It constantly felt like someone close had died, even though that was not the case. These horrible feelings combined with bad anxiety had abruptly taken over my life – in theory, this pregnancy should be a time of joy. I just didn’t understand. How could I feel like this, without any reason? It just didn’t make sense. I suddenly felt ashamed over these feelings that I couldn’t control, which made me feel even worse – it all turned into a vicious circle of thoughts and feelings. What made matter even worse, was the fact that I kept all these feelings for myself – I just pretended everything was fine and put up a fake happy and smiling face which, in hindsight, I was good at – very scary. All this continued for 5-6 weeks and I only became more and more withdrawn from life. Thankfully my husband began to notice what was going on and made me realise that I was suffering from some kind of depression, and took me to the doctor (triple sigh). After seeking help I gradually got better and stronger, and I found myself being much more excited about the twins and pregnancy.
So, ladies, the conclusion of this little side-story is to please take care of yourself and seek professional help should you suddenly feel that you have hit rock bottom for an extended amount of time without any obvious reasons. Of course, your mood will fluctuate during pregnancy, but these types of negative feelings will ruthlessly keep you down until you realise that you need to take action and ask for help – I know it’s hard, but you can do it. And please do not feel ashamed about it.
Ok, until next time, stay calm and be nice to yourself!
P.S. In case you feel the same way as I did, please for your own sake, please get help – I know it’s hard, but it is worth it – both for you and the people you love. Here is a list of places that can help you:
Beyond Blue that provides 24-hour-a-day support, information and referrals for people struggling with depression, anxiety and related disorders. Telephone number: 1300 22 4636.
PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia) is a not-for-profit organisation offering information, support and referrals to women and their families who are experiencing post and antenatal mental health issues. Tel: 1300 72 6306 (10am to 5pm (AET), Monday to Friday).
Lifeline Australia provides 24-hour-a-day counselling, information and referrals for people in crisis. Tel: 131 114 (24 hours a day).